Thursday, October 9, 2008

Nipple Shields

Title Reads:
Nipple Shields

Ad Reads:

3 nipple shields for breast feeding. All in excellent condition and sterile. Comes for non smoking home, calls only please

Personal Note:
My roommate thought they were for belly dancing . . . I don't know if that says more about the ad poster, or my roommate. The title might be misleading, but at least the ad cleared it up.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Kids Need a New Home Now - Puppy Coming Soon!

This person obviously put a lot of time and creativity into creating this hilarious anti-pet-re-homing ad. The flaggers and the ad-police where in full swing when this was posted!


Please help! After two long years of being on a waiting list for an exotic rare breed dog, we were finally notified by the breeder that at long last, our number has come up, and...


We must IMMEDIATELY get rid of our children now, because we just KNOW how time consuming our new little puppy is going to be! Since our puppy will be arriving on Monday, we MUST place the children in new homes this weekend!!!

They are described as:

One male, white, blonde hair, blue eyes. Four years old. Excellent disposition. He doesn't bite. Name is Tommy. Temperament tested. Current on all shots. Tonsils removed already and very healthy condition!

Tommy eats everything, is very clean, house trained and gets along well with others. Does not run with scissors and with a little time and training, he will do well in a new home.

One female, strawberry blonde hair, green eyes. Three years old. Can be surly at times. Non-biter, thumb sucker. Her name is Mary. Temperament tested, but needs a little attitude adjusting occasionally. She is current on all shots, tonsils out, and is very healthy and happy (mostly.) Gets along well with little boys, but does not like to share toys.

She is house trained, and would do best in a one child household.

We really LOVE our children, and want to do what is best for them. I hope you understand, that ours is a UNIQUE situation, and we have a real emergency here! They MUST be placed by Sunday night at the latest.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Offering a Thousand Dollars to Extract a Troubled Tooth

This is a serious offer. I am offering $1,000 in cash to a knowledgeable Dentist or Dental Student to extract my tooth. Industry standards and tools must apply. I'm not looking to make things worse for myself.

I have gone the medical and dental route and had no luck. However this tooth is giving me GREAT problems. More details upon serious request.

No names or questions asked. Please only serious offers from knowledgeable dental people please respond.

The Problem with this request:
If there are no names or questions asked, how can you be sure that the person who responds has experience? Tools and dental books are available to any old Dommer on the internet!! I would think that $1000 could easily pay for an extraction procedure at a traditional dentist, you know . . . the kind that doesn't work out of their home!

Thursday, June 26, 2008

To My Neighbor Who I Saw Pooping in His Yard Yesterday

Posted Anonymously in Pittsburgh

I saw you couched down with your pants around your ankles. I asked "Hey, what are you doing?". Your reply was "Pooping in a groundhog hole! I read about it online. It's suppose to trick the groundhog into thinking another animal has moved into it's lair.".

Since you are normally a sane person I refrained from calling the police.

That is just hilarious!! I thought the 12 year old boy who pooped in my mothers yard was strange, but this certainly sounds like a grown adult - I think!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

I Saw Good Luck Chuck So Will You Sleep With Me Please

Anonymously Posted in Washington D.C.

So, I've recently come to the realization that I possess a remarkable skill. I have the ability to reconnect women with ex-boyfriends that broke up with them. Now, some of you might be saying "Hey, that's pretty cool! How do you do that? I could make millions, or at least I could use that to trick women into sleeping with me!". Let me tell you, it sucks! The last three "girlfriends" I've had have all had their ex-boyfriends contact them shortly after starting to date me!

It took about a month and a half after we began dating for the first girl's ex to reconnect with her. And I really liked her (and he is an abusive asshole, she deserves so much better). Man did that suck. With the second girl, it took about three and a half weeks for her guy to come back (he was supposed to have left the freaking country!). I really liked her too. The third girl, it took her ex literally two days to contact her after our first date (and they had been apart for over five years!).

So, I appear to be getting better at this. Not only can I get you your boyfriend back within a few days, I can bring him back from incredibly unlikely circumstances. Have you been pining over an ex? Want him to give you a call? Perhaps he moved to Russia 12 years ago, got married, has 7 children, and you haven't heard from him since. No problem! One dinner and a movie with me and he'll likely be waiting on your doorstep when I drop you off.

Now, I haven't had a chance to properly test this, but I suspect that my skill works much better if we sleep together. Now, this might not be absolutely necessary, but you do really want to see your ex again right? Why risk it.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Shhh - Don't Tell My Husband

Trailer for Sale - $40 less than husband wants for it - TODAY ONLY!
My husband has been posting his trailer for sale for about 2 weeks for $125.I want it gone - BADLY!!!
Here's the deal - if you come here before he gets home tonight - around 6:30, I WILL SELL IT FOR $40 LESS THAN HE IS!!!!
I will sell you the trailer, which is a Toyota truck bed welded strongly onto a trailer, with 5-prong universal hitch (working tail-lights).
Email for directions, sorry I don't have a picture!

Here's a response I found:
No need to reply. You are completely mad! I love it. Fantastic. I wish more folks on craigslist had your sense of humor. Your ad is legend. It should go on the "best of craigslist" site! I hope y'all sell the trailer.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

We are being watched. I read about forums of people all accross the country that keep in touch with each other and monitor all of the CL boards. They collectivly decide who to flag using some fancy algorythim(sic). We caught one and this is his mug shot---

I Need a Care Giver

So I just got my medical card and now I need a care giver. Are any of you CL readers a care giver with room for one more client? Send me an e-mail and let me know. Thanks for reading

Translation: I got a doctor to give me a prescription for weed, and now I need a grower to supply it for me. If anyone out there grows pot, please email me so that I can hook up. Thanks.