Thursday, August 30, 2007

British Pony Poop For Plants

Original Ad Reads:
You haul big or small! Aged pony/sheep/chicken manure empty 50 pound grain bags and shovels provided for backyard gardeners to Fill and Haul. Easy to get to in a covered manure shed. I have no tractor for loading, but can provide some shovels and 50 pound grain bags. Fill up a bag and put it in your car boot! (trunk for Americans, but the ponies are British, so using a British term!) If we fill the bag at $2 each. Come by anytime between 9am and 5pm on Labor Day (we'll be having a garage sale too) or email to ask about other times. We'll be around most of the next 4 days.

We don't have any way to dispose of all of the animal poop that is produced on our land, so we'll make you an offer - You can have it FREE!!! In fact, this is very special aged British pony poop, and it's available to you at no cost for a limited time only. We also carry old chicken and sheep poop, and we'll bag it for you for two bucks a bag, that way you don't have to shovel the old poop yourself.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

Hating Four Legged Crappers

I have neighbors on both sides of me with dogs and they are all assholes. Most dog owners disregard the laws and don't pick up the poop just like the poster. Dogs are just dumb animals. People in the city with dogs should be taxed double.

I'm guessing that this person must have stepped in a pile of crap this morning...? I highly recommend they stay away from my yard, our bulldog leaves some rather large landmines. But then again I don't live in the city, so I must not be an asshole or deserve double taxing!

Picking Fruit Makes Cats Happy

Do you have trees or bushes full of fruit or vegetables? I would love to help you to unburden those poor plants! Just think of an apple tree or lettuce plant working so hard all year to get ready for harvest season, and now there is just too much for you to use! If you give some of the fruit or vegetables to my mother and me, your plants will be so happy! Yes, indeedy, the lovely darling plants will feel USEFUL if you pick their treasures! Perhaps, (like my cats when THEY are happy), if you let me help you pick your fruit and veggies that you won't be able to use, your plants will feel so content that they will purr??? WOW! Wouldn't you LOVE to hear that??? In fact, did you know that the month of August has been officially designated as: "Be Kind to Fruit Trees, Fruit Bushes and Vegetable Plants Month" ? ---------- We are all OBLIGATED to take pity on them and pick their offerings!

Yes, people. If you want to make your plants feel useful, you need someone to pick their fruits! It makes her feel happy, it makes her cats feel happy.