Sunday, December 17, 2017

I Don't Know What This Job is About But I Want It

Whatever you want to put on your next resume (Multnomah) hide this posting

© craigslist - Map data © OpenStreetMap
compensation: $12/hr
employment type: full-time 
Are you looking for a new job to complain about?
Are you looking for new friends to listen to your complaints?
Are you looking for new skills to overly embellish on your future resume?
Then perhaps you should consider applying for a position in our office. We are a law firm. We help people. You can too.

Skills you will acquire:
How to manage time effectively due to the challenging workload
How to manage stress effectively due to the challenging workload
How to discreetly cry in the bathroom due to the challenging workload
How to turn all of that into a meme for your cubicle

Health Insurance
Simple IRA
Free lunch if certain goals are met
Free booze, in the form of Happy Hour hosted events
Free baked goods for all on birthdays

Bragging Rights:
Robin Hood Complex (taking sweet, sweet money from the government to help the less fortunate)

Millennials, hipsters, and those with mediocre expectations and dreams are encouraged to apply. Send me your resume. Must be available Monday through Friday 8 am - 5 pm, full time.

    Friday, June 15, 2012

    Farming, Boxing, and Learn to Fight Zombies!

    Learn to box and help develop and maintain a veggie garden. Free to participate. Take home a share of what you help grow. YES!

    July 1st - Zombie Defense Course! $25 gets you in. Priceless skill set gets you out, alive. Special guest instructors give you the basics on what to do when you run out of ammo (assuming you had any to begin with!) 

    • Location: Portland
    • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
    PostingID: 3047309309

    Saturday, February 18, 2012

    Pay Us to Learn So You Don't Have To Do It

    Help At College?

    We are a growing community of students and grads who post and complete college assignments in exchange for money on our website. If you need help with an essay etc... then get in touch! We are also looking for more smart and reliable people to help complete work for others.

    • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
    • Compensation: varies
    PostingID: 2852956601

    Wednesday, February 15, 2012

    I Want Pretty Dirt, But I Feel Like an eHarmony Reject!


    If honesty, integrity, follow-through, and hard work are part of your character descriptions AND you smile, have a sense of humor, AND can communicate via email and texts, please, keep reading!

    Frankly, I'm sick of having contractors come through my home. They bid too much, bid too little, don't call back, show up for a day and leave. I don't want to have to interview anybody else. Mainly, what I want is for my dirt to look pretty. I'm in a rental and the landlord is cheap so if I can get the weeds up, level the dirt, and then fix these sunken beds that some self-righteous kid dug up and then stuck me with along with a bunch of rosemary, that's all I really want to get a bid on. I have pictures and previous estimates and would like to get back to real life so I'd rather accomplish what we can via email before asking you to come over and both of our time be wasted (or not wasted.) 

    Man, I sound like a bummer, but it's been six weeks and I'm so, so tired :) This is how the e-Harmony people must feel. 
    • Location: East Palmdale
    • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
    • Compensation: Reasonable Bid
    PostingID: 2852964507

    Tuesday, October 18, 2011

    Occupy Protesters Motivation Envy

    Occupy Protesters Motivation Envy

    Date: 2011-10-18, 12:58PM PDT
    Reply to:

    The shaggy soldiers of Occupy Wall Street have ignited simpatico protests in 900 cities four weeks after it began as an illegal sleepover in a privately owned park near Wall Street. Now the occupy protester people can have some say in the horrific buisiness only bailouts for the rich get richers just in the thinking that is going to keep capitalism getting stronger are upset and complain about the fact that they the people complaining are the forgotten people in the trenches who don;t also get the same big bailouts by the us government to make them happy like the buisinesses seem to be touting fakely also .

    But what is it, really, that unites these unwashed and miffed masses? Envy. The Occupiers OWS is a fitting label for them, for they profess to be in great pain want government to not be shocked when people complain about the shitty plight of the middle classes and poor working classes in this country having to bow down to the rich bitches rich get richer mentality that Bush had on this country for 8 years to handled the same or better that the rich bitches got handled so eloquently under Bush and his rich get richer world for 8 years before Obama got there.

    Take on too much college debt? Government should forgive that just like the Government Bailed out the Auto Industry and the Banking Industry and the Real Estate Industry yet forgot to Bail out the people first. Fall behind in payments on a home you were reckless to buy in the first place? Just like Banks bought up this country from under the masses so too should the people get to do that too and not be told off about it. Force the banks to wipe out the loans because the government bailed them out of their over spending so what makes the people not be bailed out also ! Waste time getting a Ph.D in 17th century Russian literature in an economy that needs engineers? So what the Banks were greedy with stupid investments and stupid ideas also so why whouldnt the people also be calling for Cap on professional salaries!

    Envy is a two way street not just one sided like the bailouts did. Obama rushed to Bail out Banks and Automobile industrys and such to get people to also get bailed out too and not just the banks.. Whats so un American about the banks only getting the sentiment of the self-pitying, why shouldnt the people get some pitty too the self-banks shouldnt just be only entitled and the self-serving .

    In our bones, we Americans -- the real "Americans" these indolent, bongo-playing hangerson purport to represent -- don't resent Banks and Automobile companys big buisinesses successes when they get bailed out by our tax paying dollars but why shouldnt we also the people in the trenches the working classes and middle classes that are the backbone of America also be inspired by bailouts for the people not just buisinesses, because we have were told that the American belief was that with hard work we, too, can acheive and attain success with things not just buisinesses ofwhat the rich only for 8 years under Bushes rich get richer have attained.


    • it's ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
    • OK to contact me about appearing in CL documentary series
    PostingID: 2656545550

    Wednesday, August 31, 2011

    Filing an Official Complaint Against the County of Shasta

    Big League Dreams- regular folks nightmare (Shasta Co)
    Date: 2011-08-29, 8:22AM PDT

    It must cost a small fortune to keep that mistake running....
    The grounds keeper
    The water bill
    The lights, insurance etc-
    I say we start an open audit on our elected officials. After-all it was a handful of them
    that pushed the paperwork to get the nightmare built? 

    Location: Shasta Co

    Sunday, April 10, 2011

    $50 Spares Your Pet From Post-Rapture Abandonment - After Rapture Pet Care Solutions

    best of craigslist > kansas city > Your Pets Will Not Be Flagged For Removal By Jesus During the Rapture
    Originally Posted: Thu, 19 Jun 15:59 CDT

    Your Pets Will Not Be Flagged For Removal By Jesus During the Rapture

    Date: 2008-06-19, 3:59PM CDT

    FLAGGERS: Over half the United States population has legitimate concerns about what will happen to their pets after the rapture occurs. Please respect their faith and allow this service to remain posted, just as the waste removal and grooming posts remain posted. Again, over half of the US population feels that this is a concern to them. If there is a specific problem with the ad, please email me. Thank you.


    "No one knows when that day or hour will come. Even the angels in heaven and the Son don't know. Only the Father knows."
    (Matthew 24:36)

    "For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord."
    (1 Thessalonians 4:15�17)

    Have you ever thought about what will happen to your pets after Jesus comes back to claim the souls of the saved during the Rapture and deliver them to heaven to enjoy ever lasting life? The bible clearly teaches that only those that have accepted Jesus as their savior will enter heaven (John 14:6, Romans 3:23), and we all know that pets do not have the cognitive ability to do this, so what will happen to your beloved pets? Surely without you there, they would be stuck inside your empty house, starving to death with no one to feed them, let them out to potty, or clean their litter box. This is probably not what you envision for your pets after you are gone. This is where I come in.

    I am here to offer you pet care service for after the rapture. As an atheist, I will surely still be here on this earth post rapture and would love to look after your pets for a small fee and make sure they are still well taken care of after you and your family have been raptured. You will be able to look down on them from heaven and see them being well cared for by me and living happy, healthy lives. Do not let my atheism scare you! I am a moral and loving pet owner and would never do harm to any animal.

    For a small deposit of only $50, you can be assured that your pets will be well cared for from the time that you are raptured until the end of their natural life. They will get adequate amounts of food, water, and shelter as well as plenty of exercise and socialization as I would imagine there will be a lot of pets that will be abandoned by Jesus the pet hater that will need to be cared for.

    If interested, please email me for my PayPal address (you can also send me a check if you prefer) so you can assure that your pets will be taken care of after Jesus comes to take your soul to heaven. $50 is only a small price to pay to know that while you are enjoying everlasting bliss, your pets will be cared for until their end days. Thanks and have a great day!

    Please do not flag this ad. It is very serious.

    • Location: Kansas City
    • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
    PostingID: 725674463