Can't Buy Me Love

Weird but im trying to get back the love of my life and I need help its going to sound kinda weird but I need 300 dollars by tommorow evening. I am willing to do anything!!!! Well nothing to weird.. Just looking for good people out there wanting to save a relationship save love..

How about a copy of the movie "Can't Buy Me Love", do you think that will help save your relationship? I'm wondering what the money is for...Perhaps a deal with the loan shark didn't work out very well, and they're taking his thumbs tomorrow night!

Will Barter for Butter

I would trade some old faded newsclippings of no particular subject for some velvety butter that I can smooth on my delicate bum bum. I prefer "I Can't Believe it's Not Butter." But not the spray. That will sting my stretchmarks. I plan to smack my adorable perky bum until it is bright and rosy red. If you have any extra cartons of butter, I indeed will trade you my valuable newsclippings. (They are of no value.) If you would prefer to come and slather the butter on my bum yourself, that would be okay as well. Just promise not to peek, or I will be humiliated.

By far this is one of the most hilarious requests I've seen yet on Craigslist! As a matter of fact, there was even a name and picture of the "bum bum" ready for spreading! But I held back on posting the name, just in case someone is playing a cruel joke on another person!

I'm Not Asking That Much of You, Really

Hi, I am in need of desperate help with housecleaning of my apartment. What I am looking for is someone who is extremely professional with a Master in Custodial Engineering, must show proof of degree. You must also have at least 6 professional references from past employers, plus two letters of recommendation from previous professors. I would also like to see some before and after pictures of your previous work; you know, something really drastic and shocking, sort of like the those cheesy late night commercials showing someone losing 400 pounds in three weeks eating nothing but tofu.

Must have a valid license from the State of Oregon in custodial re-engineering and licensure from the health department. Also, you need to use completely organic cleaning materials because I am allergic to everything, yes, everything; hair, air, water, saliva, urine, flowers, carpet, wool, bamboo, noodles, soy, watermelons, children.

Must carry full insurance. Must have at least 15 years professional experience in the Domestic Asset and Fungi Relocation industry. Also, you cannot have a sense of humor, as I own none such thing.

I have a 400sf studio that needs very deep cleaning. No carpet, just wood floor that was hand-cut by children in Northern Canada then was carried to my home by Laotian donkeys, don't ask how we came about the donkeys. One toilet, one sink, very small shower. Small kitchen. I need the floor scrubbed with a tooth brush of fine natural hair from an Asian Ox; I will provide the ox.

In return for this service, I will take some instant Polaroid pictures of you. Don't worry, they will be very classy and professional as I have a Doctorate in Photographic Reproduction. If that's not enough, I will also give you a 15 minute massage; well, I won't give you the massage, we'll drive down to the mall to one of those little massage chairs in the middle of the food court where they charge by the minute. I look forward to hearing from you!

I don't even know what to say to that one!

Tree Climber Offers Aerial Rescues

25 year tree climber specializing in dead hazzardious removals. quality tree care at a cheeper price. we also do aireial cat rescues.

I think I need to call this guy, my cat has been stuck in the air for an hour or so, and has yet to come back down. I hope "aireial" cat rescues are cheap!

Take All, Not Just the Undies

I have various sizes of pantiliners, kotex and underwear for incontinence. Must take all.

Hmmm, bummer. I only wanted the underwear.

Stranger than Strange: The Un-Dead Hamster

I think this is nearly impossible but I'm looking for a licensed pet taxidermist, who does hamsters/small animals. Now I know this probably won't happen. My hammy isn't dead yet I'm just preparing for the future. Thank you. Please no mean or ridicule. Thanks

I don't know about "impossible", but this is definitely one of the stranger ads posted on Craigslist. Probably already has a pretty little spot on the shelf, already picked out!

Some Craigslist Ad Titles Are So Misleading!

Looking for miniature horse or donkey to love...

Dude, that's not legal here . . .oh, wait - that was only the title! Reading the rest of the ad clears it up a little!

Looking for miniature horse or donkey to enjoy our acreage with the goats and Alpacas. I'm not looking to purchase them just rehome them if they are in need.

Ahhh, I get it now!